The following is not a novelization or an actual script but a dry transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, settings descriptions, action scenes and/or camera movements where the transcriber felt they were necessary. This transcript is posted on "TWIZ TV.COM - FREE TV SCRIPTS DATABASE" courtesy of FLOOCROOKSHANKS.

"BOY MEETS WORLD" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and © by ABC in association with MICHAEL JACOBS PRODUCTIONS and TOUCHSTONE TELEVISION. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain. For entertainment and educational purposes only. No infringement intended.
==========================
TRANSCRIPT:
==========================


[Shawn and Cory are standing in the hallway outside Mr Feeny's classroom; Shawn is holding open the school newspaper and he and Cory are reading it]

CORY: Haha, my column! [points to a section of the paper looking chuffed]

SHAWN: [reads] 'Is It Just Me?'

CORY: BY??

SHAWN: Cory Matthews [looks at Cory] Do I have to?

CORY: [grins] Enjoy!

SHAWN: [reading nonchalantly] 'Is it just me, or does paste just not taste as good as it used to?' [casts a sidelong glance at Cory who is too busy laughing at his own jokes to notice] 'Is it just me or is Homer Simpson getting a little too old to be on the show?'

CORY: Isn't that so true?!

SHAWN: Look, Cory, [starts walking to his locker; Cory follows] I know you really believe in your little humour column, but don't you think you should be writing something a little more important, like... the girls' swim team and why they don't wear high heels.

[Cory nods as though considering the idea; Topanga and her friend Debbie enter and approach their lockers]

TOPANGA: [to Debbie] He gave you --? That's really expensive!

DEBBIE: Yeah I know, it was great! We were talking and laughing and having such a great time, and then...

TOPANGA: At the end of the night...

DEBBIE: Parked two blocks from my house...

TOPANGA: Octopus time.

[A guy walks up to Debbie]

GUY: Hey! Great time the other night!

[The guy walks off; Debbie rolls her eyes and looks at Topanga]

DEBBIE: All over me. I mean, what happened to the nice guy I had dinner with? It's like, the night's almost over so he's all over me? [sighs] Why are guys such jerks on dates?

TOPANGA: Well not all guys, Debbie.

[Cory and Shawn have been eavesdropping]

CORY: [chuffed] 'Not all guys, Debbie'!

SHAWN: Is it just me, or should you not be proud of that?

CORY: Oh.

DEBBIE: [to Topanga] After a night of fighting him off, it's like, I don't know whether I want to go out on dates anymore, you know? I'd rather spend my time in the library. It's that pathetic...

TOPANGA: It's too bad guys and girls have such a different idea about what a date is supposed to be.

DEBBIE: Yeah. What goes on in their heads?

TOPANGA: [glances behind at Cory and Shawn then looks back to Debbie] Wanna find out? There's two of 'em.

DEBBIE: [to Cory and Shawn] Hey, what goes on in your heads?

CORY: Topanga. [taps his head] Twenty-four hours a day it's the Topanga Channel in here.

TOPANGA: Aw, who's a good boy! [pops a sweet in Cory's mouth; Cory chews on it happily]

SHAWN: Debbie, don't you think that, uh, guys and girls are looking for the same things on dates?

DEBBIE: Well... girls are looking for an evening of good conversation... and, you know, the sense that you've made a genuine connection with another human being.

SHAWN: You're not interested in making out?

DEBBIE: Well maybe I am and maybe I'm not, but it shouldn't be expected because I went on a date with you.

SHAWN: So how're we supposed to know what's ok?

DEBBIE: We'll let you know.

SHAWN: You don't let us know very clearly...

DEBBIE: Yes we do! You just don't listen. You're too busy planning your next moves to hear us say no.

SHAWN: [not listening] ...What?

[Debbie rolls her eyes]

CORY: [to Topanga] You see, this is why I write my fun column - to take us away from the drudgery of interesting conversation.

TOPANGA: Yeah, but you should be writing about something that affects people.

DEBBIE: Yeah, why don't you write your column about why guys are such big jerks on dates?

SHAWN: Debbie, if you really feel that all guys want to do is to go too far then why go out with them at all?

DEBBIE: [thinks] You're right - I'm done! [walks off]

TOPANGA: Way to be sensitive, Shawn. [walks off]

SHAWN: Yeah, yeah, it really pays to be honest with a girl. [shoves the newspaper at Cory and walks off]

CORY: [stands awkwardly on his own] Is it just me... or is it just me?

---

[Mr Feeny's classroom; Cory, Shawn, Topanga and Debbie are seated amongst the other students; Mr Feeny is stood at the front writing on the blackboard]

MR FEENY: [to the class] To research his book, 'Black Like Me', author John Griffin - a white man - had his skin pigment temporarily darkened so that he could experience life through the perspective of a black man.

CORY: Wouldn't it have been easier to just... ask?

MR FEENY: Well, there was such distrust between the races that Griffin felt that only by becoming black could he begin to understand the horrors of segregation.

SHAWN: [leans forward] Cory, that's your next story!

CORY: What?

SHAWN: To understand what girls are talking about, you experience the world from a girl's point of view... [grins] ...by becoming a girl!

CORY: [frowns] That's crazy talk!

SHAWN: No no no no - you dress up like a girl and write about it. 'Chick Like Me'!

[Cory looks thoughtful]

SHAWN: That's meaningful, you know? You're writing a real article, not just some... [quietly] silly column-

CORY: It is NOT a silly column!

MR FEENY: Yes it is.

CORY: Ok, Mr Feeny, what happened to this guy Griffin after he wrote his book?

MR FEENY: Well, he sold five million copies and won immediate world renown. Why do you ask, Mr Matthews?

CORY: Miss Matthews.

MR FEENY: ...What?

CORY: [shrugs shiftily] Nothing!

---

[Matthews' Wilderness Outpost. Eric and a gorgeous woman in dungarees (Loni) are the only people working there; Loni is standing by a tent talking to a man - presumably trying to sell him the tent]

LONI: [to the man] ...When you get to the top of the mountain and that wind starts to blowin', you'll be real glad you got this over your head.

MAN: [smiling flirtatiously] I'll remember you sold it to me, too.

LONI: Well I hope you do, that way you can remember me for all your future wilderness needs!

MAN: Listen, I imagine you probably get this a lot... but you seem awfully nice. You wanna go get a cup of coffee sometime?

LONI: Well you seem mighty nice too! But... well, I'm not much of a coffee drinker.

MAN: Oh! That's ok.

LONI: But we can do something else!

MAN: [hopefully] Anything! That would be great.

LONI: Why don't you come over to my place and I'll cook you a big ol' dinner? How about tonight?

MAN: Really? That would be - wow! I-

LONI: Aw great! [gives him a playful thump on the arm] And after dinner - that's when the real fun starts.

MAN: I'm always up for a little fun.

LONI: Good, because we'll rub oil all over our bodies...

MAN: I like that.

LONI: Go jumpin' in a cold river...

MAN: ...What?

LONI: And go eel grabbin'!

MAN: What?

LONI: It's fun! Great fun - and for the eels too! Well, unless their heads break off.

[Loni gives him a playful punch on the arm; the man suddenly looks less enthusiastic as he rubs his arm where she hit him]

LONI: So what time tonight?

MAN: Uh... tonight? [backing away anxiously] Tonight's really not good for me. I've got another appointment which doesn't actually involve eels...

LONI: Oh c'mon, Dave, where's your sense of adventure??

MAN: Y'know... I'll just take the tent.

LONI: Oh! [gives him another playful punch on the arm]

MAN: In fact, you keep the tent and what I'm gonna do is... leave.

[The man runs out of the store cradling his arm]

LONI: [calling out after him] W-wait! I was just tryin' to be... friendly. [her face falls; Eric looks on sympathetically - he's been watching the whole thing from behind the counter]

LONI: Eric, is there something wrong with me?

[Eric stares at her]

LONI: Is there something the matter with me?

ERIC: [still staring] I'm looking!

LONI: No, I mean... why am I always scarin' boys off?

ERIC: Well, Loni, you don't have a lot of social experience with men, do you?

LONI: No, not city men...

ERIC: Didn't you date any guys back there in the mountains?

LONI: Oh sure, we'd go out in the woods and shoot things.

ERIC: So you like hunting?

[Loni nods]

ERIC: All right, well here's a question for you. [walks around the counter and stands in front of her] When you see a cute little fuzzy animal that you like, that you know, you like to shoot... do you go, like, running up to it and [waving his arms around] yelling and waving your rifle in the air?

LONI: [smiling] Well, no!

ERIC: And why not?

LONI: 'Cause it would scare the little critter off!

[Eric looks at her pointedly]

LONI: [catching on] Ohh! Oh so you're sayin' my behaviour is scarin' the city men?

ERIC: Just a smidge.

LONI: [thoughtfully] I have to learn how to hunt and track these boys.

ERIC: [nodding] Mm hmm.

LONI: Well, [looking slyly at Eric] I'm gonna need a city man to practice on.

[Eric grins, giggling and flailing like a little girl]

---

[The Matthews' kitchen. Alan is sitting at the table; Amy is preparing dinner; Cory and Shawn enter through the back door carrying shopping bags and looking shifty, they run towards the stairs]

AMY: Hey.

ALAN: Hey, son, how was your day?

CORY: Fine.

ALAN: What did you do at school?

CORY: Nothing.

ALAN: [standing up] Hey, hold on! Wait there!

[Cory and Shawn stand still at the bottom of the stairs and turn slowly]

ALAN: You know, every day I ask you 'What did you do?' and every day you tell me 'Nothing'. Well, I'm tired of 'Nothing'! I mean, we both know something happened today and I wanna know what 'it' is!

CORY: [pauses] I decided to be a girl.

ALAN: [looks at Amy then back at them, then sits back down at the table] Well you've taught me a very valuable lesson there, son.

[Cory and Shawn backtrack and explain]

SHAWN: [to Amy] You know the book 'Black Like Me'?

AMY: Sure, is that what you guys are reading at school?

ALAN: [to Amy] Don't ask questions, Honey.

SHAWN: Cory's gonna write 'Chick Like Me' for the school newspaper - he's going to experience life from a girl's point of view by dressing up like a girl.

[Cory holds a small red dress up to himself, grinning and looking around for opinions]

ALAN: Nope, don't want you to!

AMY: [to Alan] Aw, come on, I think it would be a wonderful learning experience that could serve him well for the rest of his life!

[Cory holds a large black flowery dress up to himself; Amy looks in one of the shopping bags and pulls out a silky black bra]

CORY: It's a miracle bra!

ALAN: [blandly to Amy] A miracle bra, honey. Get the camera.

CORY: [to Alan defensively] I'm not dressing up like a girl just for the sake of dressing up like a girl! I'm a journalist, dagnabit.

[Topanga knocks on the back door and enters]

TOPANGA: Hi. [apologetically] Hey, Shawn, I might have been a bit protective of Debbie this morning and I didn't fully consider your point of view.

SHAWN: [chuffed] I never knew I had a point of view!

[Topanga rolls her eyes; Cory is still holding the black dress against himself]

CORY: Y'know what, Topanga, everything's worked out for the best because I've decided [smoothes out the dress] to be a girl and see what it's really like!

TOPANGA: [wrinkles her nose] Not in that dress you're not.

CORY: Well... that's why I was counting on your expert assistance to help in selecting the proper female accoutrements.

TOPANGA: You want me to dress you up like a girl?

CORY: Yes, Topanga. [adopts childish voice] Make Cory pretty!

TOPANGA: [thinks for a moment] Cool!

---

[Cory's bedroom; Shawn and Topanga are leaning against the walls waiting; the bathroom door is shut - Cory is inside; discarded clothes lay scattered on Cory's bed]

TOPANGA: Cory? Sweetie? You have to come out eventually.

CORY: [gruffly from behind the closed door] Don't wanna. Second thoughts.

TOPANGA: [kindly] Come on out! We won't laugh.

CORY: You're not seeing what I'm seeing!

[Topanga looks to Shawn for help]

SHAWN: Hey, Cor. [knocks on the bathroom door] Come on, buddy. You're gonna write an article that means something! You're going to make a difference not only in our lives, but in the lives of guys and girls everywhere.

CORY: You're not seeing what I'm seeing!

SHAWN: C'mon, Cor. How bad of a girl could you be?

[The bathroom door opens and Cory steps out, embarrassed, in a figureless brown dress, brown tights, bright white high heels, and a wig with hair longer on one side than the other; his lips are three times their normal size due to exaggerated lipstick appliance; Shawn and Topanga look mildly dismayed]

CORY: I knew it! I look... I look fat...

SHAWN: Fat is the least of your problems, babe.

CORY: Topanga?

TOPANGA: [reluctant to look at him] Maybe it's just not a good colour for you...

[Cory looks from Topanga to Shawn, then throws his arms in the air and turns to go back into the bathroom; Topanga and Shawn hold him back]

TOPANGA: You guys, we can do this! It's just all how you present yourself. Now Cory, let's see how you present yourself.

CORY: Ok... [takes a deep breath then bounces forwards with his arms swinging rhythmically like he's dancing at a 50's sock hop; he does this up and down his room, then stands back in between Shawn and Topanga, looking at them hopefully] Is that all right?

SHAWN: Not even on a desert island.

TOPANGA: [firmly] Constructive, Shawn.

SHAWN: Ok. Cor, you're missing the obvious. Girls just... glide more. They're more at ease. You've got to let it flow.

TOPANGA: [surprised] That's pretty right on the nose there, Shawn.

SHAWN: [grinning] Yeah well, girls are my area. I like girls.

CORY: [desperately] Ok then, show me, Shawn - show me!

SHAWN: Well it's just - here it is.

[Shawn glides smoothly up and down Cory's room and stands back next to Cory; Cory and Topanga look at each other]

SHAWN: What?

[Cory and Topanga look at Shawn slyly]

SHAWN: [catching on] Ohhh no. No! No! No!

---

[Hallway at John Adams High - a girl looking fascinatingly like Shawn peeks tentatively from round a corner then steps out into the corridor. Indeed, wearing a brown wig pulled back into a small ponytail, a tight black top, a red mini skirt, black tights, black knee-high boots and carefully applied make-up, Shawn makes his way nervously down the corridor to the stares of all the other students; Cory's walking with an arm around Shawn's shoulders looking very pleased with himself]

SHAWN: Why is everybody staring? What are they looking at?

CORY: [grinning] Well, Shawn, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but... you're kind of a babe.

SHAWN: Really?

CORY: Yeah! [looks suddenly apprehensive] You want me to... carry your books for you?

SHAWN: I get that? Yeah! [hands Cory all his books] Thanks!

[Shawn and Cory make their way to their lockers, where Topanga's standing]

TOPANGA: [to Cory] Why are you carrying his books?

CORY: Well we're trying to create the illusion that Shawn's a girl, so... I thought this would help.

TOPANGA: You never carry my books.

CORY: Well look at him! [gazes fondly at Shawn, looking him up and down, and blushes, then turns quickly back to Topanga] And look at you! You are just radiant today.

TOPANGA: So, Shawn, how does it feel to be wearing pantyhose?

SHAWN: Not Shawn.

CORY: You're right.

TOPANGA: Yeah, he needs a girl's name.

CORY: Ok, this is easy. How about... Janet?

SHAWN: No no no no, not - not Janet.

CORY: What possible difference could it make??

TOPANGA: [reprimanding] Cory! [turns to Shawn] You've thought about this before, haven't you?

SHAWN: [pouts] A little.

TOPANGA: And what name have you thought about?

SHAWN: Well... [quietly] Veronica...

[Topanga nods in approval; Cory smiles nervously at Shawn then mouths 'Veronica?!' at Topanga looking scared; Shawn is looking at the ground with girlish innocence]

TOPANGA: [kindly] Veronica's a lovely name.

[Mr Feeny enters the hallway and walks towards his classroom with barely a glance at the trio]

MR FEENY: Good morning Miss Laurence, Mr Matthews, Mr Hunter...

[Mr Feeny pauses looking bemused, then turns slowly to look at Shawn and smiles benignly; Shawn looks like he's wishing for the ground to swallow him whole]

MR FEENY: [leaning towards Shawn conspiratorially] If there's anything you need to talk about, my door is always open. I'm not here to judge.

SHAWN: It's for an article we're writing, Mr Feeny.

MR FEENY: I am not here to judge... [walks away down the corridor]

CORY: [noticing some guys coming down the hall] Hey guys, target's approaching.

[The guy (Gary) who went out with Debbie the other night and spoke to her by the lockers the day before jogs towards them]

CORY: Ten yards... five yards...

GARY: [nods in greeting] Guys.

TOPANGA: Hey, Gary. Debbie said you two went out on Saturday.

GARY: Yeah, I had a nice time... [notices 'Veronica' standing next to Cory and is immediately entranced] Hi there! Um, I'm Gary.

CORY: [grinning] Gary! This is Veronica. [gestures to Shawn] Veronica... Wasboyski.

GARY: [smiling at Veronica] You know, I have never seen you before - are you new at school?

SHAWN: Yep! I'm... just a whole new person!

GARY: Listen, um... if you want, y'know, I'd be happy to uh, y'know, take you to Chubbies and tell you what teachers to avoid - that kind of stuff. Unless your boyfriend already did that.

CORY: [looking ecstatic] Oh no, Gary! This one is definitely available.

SHAWN: Cory! I can speak for myself.

CORY: Well then, you just do that! Veronica.

SHAWN: [looks at Gary, smiling] That'd be great.

TOPANGA: So, Saturday - is that good for both of you?

SHAWN: [through gritted teeth to Topanga] Saturday's my date night.

CORY: [through gritted teeth to Shawn] It still is.

SHAWN: [sighs and turns smiling back to Gary] Ok! Saturday. [through gritted teeth to Cory and Topanga] I'll give up a Saturday.

GARY: Well, [smiling flirtatiously] I'll see you then.

[Gary walks away dreamily and Shawn gives him a feminine wave goodbye; Cory faces Shawn looking very proud]

CORY: Shawnie! Way to go!

TOPANGA: You got a date!

[Shawn looks suddenly worried and wrings his hands together anxiously]

CORY: What?

SHAWN: I have nothing to wear!

---

[Matthews' Wilderness Outpost; Eric and Loni are the only ones in the store - presumably they're closing up for the night]

ERIC: All right, Loni. Now. Let's say we're at a club. Ok, and let's say that I'm Dave and I'm standing here at the bar [stands by the store counter] and you see me from across the room and you say to yourself...?

LONI: [boisterously] I want THAT one!

ERIC: [laughs] No no no no. Remember hunting. Remember the boy bunnies; you don't want to scare them away or there'll be nothing left to hunt.

LONI: Hell, that's no fun.

ERIC: No, it's not. So here's what you've got to do. You've got to approach me without being detected.

[Loni creeps sideways along the counter and then leans on it next to Eric]

ERIC: Now you stand next to me, but not close enough to make me realise that I'm your prey.

[Loni nods, not looking at Eric]

ERIC: Now turn to me.

[Loni turns and looks at Eric; Eric grins]

ERIC: Make eye contact.

[Loni holds his gaze]

ERIC: Smile.

[Loni grins eagerly]

ERIC: And say...?

LONI: I want THAT one! [taps Eric playfully on the nose]

ERIC: [takes a deep breath] I admire your single-mindedness, but no. What guys really likes is a compliment. You give us a great compliment - we're yours for the rest of your life.

LONI: [pauses for thought, then tentatively touches Eric's shirt collar] That is the nicest shirt!

[Eric nods approvingly]

LONI: I'd like to get one just like it for my brother, Buck. Who makes that?

ERIC: Some shirt guy.

LONI: Can I look? [reaches forward, grabbing Eric and trying to look down the back of his shirt] I can't seem to find the label...

[Eric's jaw slackens and he closes his eyes as Loni presses herself up against him to look for the label]

LONI: Is it someplace else?

ERIC: [faintly] I dunno but I wouldn't stop looking...

LONI: Oh! [suddenly checks herself and pulls away, facing Eric] You know what I'm doin'?

ERIC: [dreamily] Just what God intended?

LONI: No, I'm bein' too friendly again and you were just about to tell me that, weren't you?

ERIC: ...Yeah, I was gonna get to that eventually.

LONI: [sighs] Y'know, I never would've thought that bein' friendly could drive people away. But... I guess friendliness is just different between men and women.

ERIC: Yeah [smiles] I guess it is. So you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna step back [steps back] a respectable distance here and I'm just gonna say... [holds his hand out] ...hello.

LONI: [takes his hand and shakes it] Hello. My name is Loni Boden, and I will do whatever I can not to physically invade your personal space. Perhaps we can discuss our career goals over a great knee-high?

ERIC: [laughing rigidly] Hahaha what've I done?!

---

[Chubbies, Saturday night - Gary and 'Veronica's' date. Shawn and Gary are sitting together in a booth talking]

GARY: This has been a terrific evening, and you are just great.

[Shawn smiles nervously]

GARY: And so, I'm wondering... how is it that someone like you doesn't have a boyfriend?

SHAWN: Well, I-I-I-I I haven't really been looking for a boyfriend. Guess I've just been... going through a lot of changes.

GARY: Well any time you wanna talk, I'm here to listen.

SHAWN: [looks at Gary suddenly earnest] Thanks, that's... that's nice... Gary. [finds himself gazing fondly at Gary and turns away looking mildly appalled with himself] I gotta have some food.

GARY: Hey, you got it. [calls out] Waitress!

[Out from the kitchen comes... Cory in a waitress outfit. He's wearing a bushy wig, large earrings, and adopts a husky voice]

CORY: How ya doin', honey?

[Topanga, who's been sitting nearby watching over Shawn's date, looks Cory up and down, horrified; Shawn doesn't look so calm about it either; Gary, however, notices nothing]

SHAWN: Cory...

CORY: I'm Cor-a [gestures to his name tag] I'll be your waitress this evenin'!

GARY: I come in here a lot; I've never seen you before.

CORY: Quit hittin' on me! [laughs jokily] I'm just kiddin' - it's my first night. Besides, it looks like you're already taken, cutie. [winks]

[Shawn is shaking his head]

SHAWN: [through gritted teeth] You're insane.

CORY: May I take your order, baby?

GARY: My usual. A double chilli burger and um, one chocolate milkshake. With two straws. [grins at 'Veronica']

SHAWN: I'll have the same. [thinks] And a steak.

[Cory and Gary stare at Shawn]

SHAWN: ...What?

CORY: Well, aren't you the veracious little eater?

[Cory pinches Shawn's cheek affectionately then heads to the kitchen with a quick wave to Topanga, who is smiling, bemused]

GARY: So, [puts his arm around Shawn] you having a good time?

SHAWN: [eyeing Gary's hand] Little trouble breathing! You're grabbing me a bit.

GARY: Naw, maybe you're just tense. How about if I rub your shoulders?

[Gary rubs 'Veronica's' shoulder and Shawn grows more and more anxious]

SHAWN: I didn't ask you to do that...

GARY: Yeah, but doesn't it feel good?

SHAWN: [pushes Gary away] You're not listening to me!

GARY: Woah! You're a strong one.

SHAWN: [smiles] Yeah, I play a little field hockey.

GARY: Yeah, I knew that... because the first thing I noticed were your legs-

SHAWN: AHHH! [leaps out of his seat - presumably Gary started feeling up Shawn's legs under the table]

GARY: What's the matter?!

SHAWN: You just don't listen! You're too busy planning your next moves to hear us say no!

GARY: [not listening] ...What?

[Shawn grabs his purse and gets out of the booth; Topanga and Cory go to him looking worried]

CORY: What's the matter?

SHAWN: He touched me!

CORY: Where?

SHAWN: On - my - knee! It's my knee, what makes him think that it's his knee?!

TOPANGA: Maybe you sent him a signal.

SHAWN: The only signal I sent him was 'Stop it'.

TOPANGA: And he didn't listen.

SHAWN: ...I'm not like that.

[Topanga looks at him pointedly]

SHAWN: I'm not. [looks at Cory] I never will be again.

CORY: Well, here he comes.

SHAWN: No. No, no. I quit.

CORY: You can't, we have an article to finish!

SHAWN: Ugh, I should've worn a pant-suit.

[Gary wanders over to the trio looking confused]

GARY: [to 'Veronica'] Look uh... sorry I got a little... aggressive. Nobody respects women more than me. Forgive me?

CORY: Of course she forgives you, you two are just adorable together! [nudges Shawn] Isn't he just de-lish?

GARY: [to 'Veronica'] Tell you what, how about I teach you to play fussball?

SHAWN: [smoothly] How about I teach you?

[Shawn walks past Gary to the fussball table]

GARY: [laughing] Yeah right! [follows 'Veronica']

[Cory shifts awkwardly, grimacing]

CORY: [to Topanga] My hosiery is bunching.

['Veronica' and Gary stand opposite each other at the fussball table]

GARY: Now, what you've got to do is you wanna spin the handle; you wanna make this little guy kick the ball.

SHAWN: [grinning] Like this? [spins the handle sharply; the ball goes straight into the goal]

GARY: [embarrassed laughter] Yeah. Kinda like that, yeah.

SHAWN: [slyly] I can go a little easier if you want.

GARY: [waves a dismissive hand] Just take your next shot.

[Shawn places the ball in the middle of the table and spins the handle; Gary stops the ball with the goalkeeper]

SHAWN: [smiles] Nice block.

GARY: Oh, you like that? Well let me show you how I did it.

[Shawn shifts uncomfortably as Gary makes his way around the table and stands behind him; Gary slides his hands down Shawn's arms and holds onto Shawn's hands around the handles]

GARY: Now what you need to have... is a real light touch...

[Gary places his hands on 'Veronica's' hips and squeezes; Shawn jumps back]

SHAWN: Hey hey!

GARY: Hey what??

SHAWN: What is wrong with you?!

GARY: I'm just showing you how to play the game.

SHAWN: I know how to play the game.

GARY: Yeah, I can tell by the way you're dressed. [laughs, slightly mocking]

SHAWN: [quietly] I just wanted to look nice...

GARY: Well, you do. [smiles and pulls 'Veronica' close to him]

SHAWN: Don't touch me.

GARY: Ok! [raises his hands in the air defensively] Don't like to be touched.

SHAWN: [sharply] Did it ever occur to you that I might be a nice girl?!

GARY: No, what I thought is that you'd be into guys. But I guess you're not - I guess you prefer girls.

SHAWN: [drops his girly voice] As a matter of fact, I do.

GARY: [perplexed] What?

SHAWN: I said, as a matter of fact- [punches Gary in the face] -I DO.

GARY: [lying on the ground cradling his jaw] What was that for?!

SHAWN: [yelling] For EVERY girl I've EVER known!

[Cory approaches, looking down at Gary]

CORY: Uh, please pay at the register, honey. And 'tipping' is not a city in China. [hands Gary the bill and turns to Shawn] C'mon, honey, we're outta here.

[Cory and Shawn link arms and slouch off; Topanga links with Cory as they pass and the three march out of Chubbies]

---

[Hallway at John Adams High. Shawn and Cory are reading the school newspaper looking very pleased with themselves; a crowd of people surround them, all reading the 'Chick Like Me' article; Mr Feeny approaches]

MR FEENY: Well, gentlemen! Seems the whole school is talking about it. And if I do say so myself - excellent article! [pauses, looking over the article] Troubling photographs...

[Mr Feeny walks by; Topanga and Debbie move towards them]

TOPANGA: Cory, I am SO proud of you, the article is wonderful. [kisses Cory on the cheek]

CORY: Well, I am a journalist, dagnabit.

DEBBIE: [smiling] Shawn, I wanted to thank you for what you did.

SHAWN: Hey! Not necessary, I... I learned a lot.

DEBBIE: [surprised] You did?

SHAWN: Yeah, y'know, in fact - all the guys around I'd say I'm the world's most perfect date right now.

DEBBIE: Well I'd say of all the girls around, I could probably use a perfect date right now. [smiles at Shawn] So what do you have in mind?

SHAWN: I dunno, we could... start with an evening of good conversation?

DEBBIE: And a... genuine connection with another human being?

SHAWN: Hey, I'm your boy.

[Debbie smiles; Shawn takes her hand and they walk off together; Cory grimaces and starts shifting comfortably]

TOPANGA: What's wrong?

CORY: [in his gruff 'Cora' voice] My hosiery is still bunching.
 

END OF EPISODE

==========================
TRANSCRIPT PROVIDED BY WWW.TWIZTV.COM
==========================