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TRANSCRIPT:
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SCENE 1 - LOFT

(Jake, Mark, Tiffani, Lorena, Sam and Tony are sat in the loft listening to Jakes new song)

Jake -      I'm all alone, you don't write, you don't phone, if you don't love me back you'll break my heart... bone.  So what do you guys think?

Sam -       About what?

Jake -      My new lyrics, you know, the ones I sung just ten seconds ago.

Sam -       Oh well, I thought they were... you know it's really hard to find the words.

Sly -       Yeah, but not the sound... HURL

Jake -      You all feel the same way?

Gang -      No, no way... well... yeah.

Jake -      Oh yeah, no you're right, something's off, I mean I just can't seen to write anything lately.

Tiff -      Look Jake, it's been ten days since Sly sent our tape to crocodile records.

Mark -      Yeah, and if they like it, it could mean a lot for all of us so maybe you're just a little bit nervous.

Jake -      HEY, Jake Sommers doesn't do nervous.

Tony -      Well then maybe you're just a dried up creativly bankrupt has-been.

Jake -      Alright, I'm nervous, you happy?

Mark -      Oh, it's a school night; we've got that aptitude test in the morning, why don't we call it quits?

Tony-       T.t.t.t.test?  Well I didn't hear anything about a test.

Lor -       Relax Tony, it's just an aptitude test.  You just have to answer questions about what you like to do and what you're good at.

Tony -      Well how am I supposed to know what I'm good at?  I gotta go home and study, oh.

SCENE 2 - SCHOOL HALL
(Sly by classroom door, Lorena enters)

Sly -       Nyah.

Lor -       Are you looking for something?

Sly -       Yeah, I'm searching for my aptitude and ba-boom, you're it.

Lor -       Listen 'ferret-boy' if cupid himself came down and shot me full of arrows, I'd still think you were a cockroach.

(Lorena enters classroom, Mark joins Sly)

Sly -       Oh yeah, she wants me.

Mark -      Sly are you blind?  Woman hates you.

Sly -       No, that's only cos she knows me.

Mark -      Exactly, so pull back from the drooling and find something you have in common.

(Mark leaves)

Sly -       Hmmm, maybe like a common aptitude.

SCENE 3 - CLASSROOM
(Bell rings)

MG - Ladies and gentlemen, as your guidance councillor I want to welcome you to the most important 50 minutes of your life.  More important that your birth, this is your destiny.

(Tony arrives late)

Tony -      Er, I apologise for being late.

MG - Don't apologise to me Mr Wickes, apologise to your future.

Tony -      Oh man

MG - In these next few moments each of you will discover the profession for
which you are most suited.  I hope you are fully prepared.

Tony -      Prepared?  I am completely and utterly in a state of total preparedness.

MG - Take out your number two pencils.

Tony -      I'm not prepared, I'm not prepared, oh god (whimpers)

(Girl in front of Tony hands him a pencil)  Thank you.

MG - You may begin.

SCENE 4 - CLASSROOM (some time later)
MG - I hold in my hand the key to your future, I will begin with a green
pepper and a quart of milk, don't forget you nincompoop.  Ohhh, wrong list.  Samantha Woo, according to your aptitude test you should become a photographer.

Tiffani Smith, your destiny is as a vetinarian, a worthy cause.  But not as worthy as Mark Winkle, whose future is as a guidance councillor, the noblest of professions.  And Mr Wickes, I have bad news for you, you are to waste your life as a musician.

Tony -      I knew it, I knew that all that studying paid off; I knew it, oh god.

MG - We have two future fashion designers among us, Miss Lorena Costa.

Lor - Oh lay!

MG - And Mr Sylvester Winkle.

Lor -       Oy vay!

MG - Jake Sommers, you will flourish as a floral engineer.

Jake -      Sounds cool, what is it?

MH - You're a florist leather boy.

Jake -      Yeah right, look I'm a songwriter, I mean I've been doing it since I
was a kid, doesn't this test say anything about music or writing?

MG - I'm afraid not.

(Bell rings, people get up to leave) Dah, each of you will research your aptitude and give me an oral presentation a week hence.

(People begin to leave)

Sly -       Excuse me, I was just wondering since er, Lorena and I have the same
aptitude maybe we should er, research it together.

Lor -       I'd rather kiss a frog.

MG - An excellent idea, you can do a joint presentation.

Sly -       Ribbit, ribbit.

SCENE 5 - SHARKEYS

(Tiffani enters; Mark and Lorena are at a table)

Mark -      Hey Tiff, how's it going?

Tiff -      Great, I'm volunteering at the animal clinic this week.  There's this puppy, he's the most adorable little thing you've ever seen in your whole life.

Lor -       What happened to your finger?

Tiff -      Little sucker bit me.  (Sam enters with camera)

Sam -       Now nobody pay attention to me, just act natural and... (All pose and grin as she takes photo) Hey, I said act natural, not like a bunch of grinning geeks.

(Jake and Tony enter)

Tony -      It's not that your lyrics are bad Jake, there just not musical man,
see I know about music, cos after all it is my aptitude.

(Jake grabs Tony)

Jake -      Well 'Mr Music' I hope you have an aptitude for flying.  (Sam goes to take a picture and they both pose)

Sam -       Urgh.

Mark -      Relax Jake, every writer goes through a dry spell, it doesn't mean a  thing.

Jake -      Yeah, see Wickes I'm just going through a dry spell.  It's happened  to Mark too.

Mark -      Oh no it hasn't, I was just trying to make you feel better.

(Sly enters)

Sly -       Nyah, whoever heard of a dinky little hock like crocodile records?  There a bunch of hacks.

Tiff -      Oh no, they turned us down, why?

Sly -       Well they loved Marks music...

Jake -      What did they say about my lyrics?

Sly -       And they flipped over the girls vocals...

Jake -      What did they say about my lyrics?

Sly -       Did I mention they were a bunch of hacks?

Jake -      What did they say about my lyrics Winkle?

Sly -       Oh, well they hated them, sorry Jake.

SCENE 6 - FLORISTS

(Jake and Boss stood talking, Boss is holding a cat)

Boss -      Well Lady, what do you think?  Lady's delighted we hired you.

Jake -      Yeah, thanks Lady. (Tiffani, Mark and Tony enter)

Mark -      Excuse me sir, we're looking for a small tasteful arrangement,  something bold.

Tiff -      Something with originality.

Tony -      Something with petunias.

Jake -      Knock it off guys.

Mark -      Hey you've missed practice two days in a row, I hope you're coming tonight.

Jake -      No can do, I'm stuck here till nine.

Tiff -      Aren't you overdoing it, I mean it's just a class project.
Jake -      Oh yeah? Tell that to crocodile records, tell that to Mr Green and his aptitude test, I mean come on; even you guys thought my song was lousy.

Tiff -      Oh come on Jake, there must be a bright side to this.

Tony -      Well there is, we'll get a discount on mothers day bouquets.

Boss -      I must leave early Jake, Lady just isn't quite herself.

Tiff -      Oh, well maybe I should take a look, I'm volunteering at the animal clinic.

(To Lady) Hi little kitty.   (Cat spits and bites her)     OW!

Boss -      That's funny, Lady likes everyone.

SCENE 7 - SHARKEYS

(Sly is sitting by one of the entrances as a series of girls walk by him)

Sly -       Not tall enough, not beautiful enough, not hot enough, I give up.

Lor -       Give up?  Sly it's not like you to give up without getting your face slapped first.

Sly -       I'm trying to fine a model for my latest design 'la Costa de Lorena'  but none of them do it justice.

Lor -       'La Costa de Lorena'? You named a design after me?

Sly -       After all, you inspired it.

Lor -       I'm very flattered Sly, no ones ever named anything after me, ah,
except for my fathers' hotels the 'Lorena magnifico', the 'Lorena fantastico' and that fabulous Lorena hotel and casino in Las Vegas.

Sly -       See the only problem is I can't find a model to live up to the name; she's got to have beauty, passion, intelligence...

Lor -       Class...

Sly -       Face it, we're talking a goddess here.

Lor -       Alright, I'll do it.

Sly -       You will?

Lor -       I inspired it, it's mine.  I'll try it on, my place, 8°clock.

Sly -       Alright.  (Lorena leaves and Mark enters, Sly goes over to him)

Yo Mr Guidance you're a genius.

Mark -      Forget it cuz, I'm broke.

Sly -       Not that, remember when you told me to find something in common with Lorena? Well I took your advice, I copied her aptitude test.

Mark -      Man, why was I born a Winkle?  Sly I did not tell you to cheat, I have to tell her.

Sly -       Okay, but you'll be breaking the guidance councillor code.

Mark -      Code? What code?

Sly -       You know, 'THE code'.  It's like doctor-patient, attorney-client, pilot-stewardess.  If you betray that sacred trust you're not worthy to be called Guidance Councillor.

Mark -      Alright, I'll keep my mouth shut, as long as you promise not to hit on Lorena. Got it?

Sly -       You got my word as a Winkle, I won't hit on Lorena.

SCENE 8 - FLORISTS
(Enter Sly)

Sly -       Hey Jake, I need some flowers to hit on Lorena.

Jake -      What you couldn't steal any from the cemetery?

Sly -       Ha, ha, ha... no, they closed at six.

Jake -      So you want me to pick something out for you?

Sly -       What you think I'm stupid?  I know flowers; I'll have some of those red ones with those petal thingies.

Jake -      So what you gonna write on the card?

Sly -       What, I got to get a card too?

Jake -      Listen Winkle nothing gets to a girl more than a card that expresses your true and honest feelings.

Sly -       NO WAY, if I write what I really feel she'll slap me.

Jake -      I'll write it... 'I can feel my heart race...'  Man you know you've reached a new low when the best part of your day is helping Winkle get a girl.

Sly -       At least you know it can't get any worse.

Boss -      (from back room) Jake dear, Lady says she needs her littler box changed.

SCENE 9 - LORENAS ROOM

(Lorena and Sam sat on bed)

Lor -       I can't wait to see Sly's design.  Who knows, he could be the next
Calvin Klein.

Sam -       Ooo, just what every girl in America wants, Sly's name on her butt.

(Sly enters)

Sly -       La ba-boom, I've been possessed by the spirit of the great French designers.

Sam -       Well, I'll just go back to my room now, leave you alone to create
with Christian Dork. (She takes a photo on her way out, they pose) Urgh.

(Sam leaves)

Sly -       Ah, alone at last. (Attempts to kiss her)

Lor -       What are you doing?

Sly -       It's tradition among the great designers to kiss the models for good  luck.
(Kisses her twice)

Lor -       Don't you have something to show me Sly?

Sly -       Ah, ah, ah, never unveil the masterpiece until the third kiss, French tradition.

(He goes to kiss her a third time, she moves and he falls onto her bed)

Lor -       Never kiss the designer unless you like his work, Mexican tradition.

Sly -       Here it is, voila.

(He opens box and pulls out a leopard print swimsuit)

Lor -       This is hot, I love leopard skin, grrrrowl.

(He notices the price tag is hanging and goes to pull it off)

What are you doing?

Sly -       It's not ready, there's a loose tape.

Lor -       Sly, you're such a perfectionist. (They both pull on it and it rips) How could you do that to 'la Costa de Lorena?'

Sly -       Hey don't worry about it, I'll buy... I mean I'll create you another one.

Lor -       Au revoir Sly.  (There is a knock on the door)

Jake -      Flowers for Miss Costa.

Sly -       Bon jour Sly.

Lor -       They're beautiful.

Sly -       (To Jake) Thank you Mr Flowers, you're late.

(Sly closes the door in Jakes face and the cat wails)

Lor -       (Reading card) 'I can feel my heart race, trying to read the look on your face, and see if there's a place in your heart for me.'  You know we have another Mexican tradition, when a guy writes something like that; a girl does something like this.

(They kiss; as they do Sam opens the door and takes a photo of them)

SCENE 10 - FLORISTS
(Jake is carrying some flowers through the shop)

Jake -      Argh, I hate flowers.

(Mark and Tony enter)

Tony -      It's too bad you didn't study or else you'd be (sings) musical like me yeah.

Jake -      Shouldn't you guys be somewhere else, like not here.

Mark -      We're practising late today because of Doctor Doolittle.

Jake -      Who?

Tony -      Tiffani, she tried talking to a squirrel and it bit her.

Mark -      And now she's talking to the doctor about a tetanus shot.

(Tony looks at the arrangement Jake has been doing and starts to fiddle with it)

Tony -      Oh man, there's too much baby flower.

Jake -      Would you get out of here?

Tony -      Hey I'm trying to help you out, what would you do if Lady came in here and didn't like your arrangement huh, then where would you be?

Jake -      That's it, I mean it's hard enough having a boss from outer space,  without a visit from Urkle and Jerkle, get out of here. (Jake chases them out of the shop hitting them with a bunch of flowers)

Tony -      I'm going!

Boss -      Huh, now look what you've done, you've ruined Lady's birthday bouquet, she has something to say.

(Cat meows)

Jake -      Oh yeah, well you can't fire me, I quit.  (He takes off his apron and leaves)

SCENE 11 - LOFT
(Jake, Mark and Tony are in the loft looking out the window)

Tony -      Hey check out Tiffani, she found a baby bird on the ground and now
she's climbing the tree to put it back in the nest.

Tiff -      (from outside) Ow, I'm only trying to help you... stop pecking me... ow...argh.

Tony -      Oh man, Tiffani fell out of the tree.

Mark -      Hey Tiff are you okay?

Tiff -      I think it's just a sprain, stupid bird.

Tony -      Looks like another trip to the emergency room.

(Tony leaves, Jake and Mark get a drink each out of the fridge, Lorena and Sam enter looking at Sam's photos)

Sam -       Here's one of you guys at Sharkeys, here's Tiffani and that killer squirrel, and here's you kissing Sly.  (Mark and Jake spit out drinks)

Mark -      Let me see that, when was this taken? (Mark and Jake look at the photo, Jake pulls a face, obviously repulsed)

Lor -       When Sly came over to show me his design.

Mark -      I can't believe that, he promised not to hit on you.

Lor -       Why would he promise that?

Mark -      Lorena I can't tell you, I'd be breaking the guidance councillor code.

Lor -       I think I'm falling for him.

Mark -      He copied your aptitude test.

Lor -       I'll kill him, the only reason I kissed that miserable ferret-face is because of that stupid card.

Jake -      What stupid card?

(Lorena pulls the card out of her pocket and hands it to him)

Lor -       This one, I'm such an idiot, he probably copied this too, I thought any guy who writes like this deserved to be kissed.  The words were so powerful.  I'll teach him it's not nice to fool with Lorena Costa.

(Lorena leaves)

SCENE 12 - CLASSROOM
(Tiffani is at the front of the class giving her presentation, she is on crutches and has a pig with her)

Tiff -      So it's been a whole week but the animals really seem to trust me now.  (Sam stands to take a photo)

Sam -       Hold it.

Tiff -      No, no flashes, ARGH.  (Pig gets scared and chases Tiffani out of the classroom.

Lor -       The 'Costa-Winkle' house of fashion is proud to present it's latest
design, inspired by Mr Sly himself it's sure to be a hit everywhere, especially for
guys who treat women 'the Winkle way'.  (Sly pokes his head round the edge of the door)

Sly -       Pssst.  Lorena.  Are you sure this thing is sexy?

Lor -       Trust me Sly, its how every woman sees you, in their dreams.

Sly -       Oh.

(He walks out in a Tarzan costume, pulling poses as he goes, the whole class laugh)

Jake -      Yabba dabba doofus!

(Sly hides behind sign)

Sly -       I have a feeling someone broke the guidance councillor code.

(Mark looks sheepish)

Tony -      I have transcended the standard of music and created the Wickes
accapella opera, written by me.

(Performs with a rap beat and various sung notes, Tiffani's pig re-enters the classroom and chases him out)

MG - Mr Sommers, are you ready?

Jake -      Yeah, but if it's okay as part of my presentation I've planned a little field trip.

SCENE 13 - SHARKEYS

(The whole class is sat at the tables, the band are at the front with their
equipment)

MG - Well Mr Sommers, what is this to do with your aptitude, I don't see a
single flower?

Jake -      Well I explored my aptitude and I didn't like it.

MG - Maybe you didn't give it a chance.

Jake -      Well maybe I didn't give myself a chance; see what I learnt this week is you can't let anybody or any test dictate what you do.  You gotta listen to yourself, no matter what.  (He turns to the band) Everybody got the lyrics I re-wrote?

Band -      Yeah

Jake -      Let's do it, 1, 2, 3, 4.
      (SONG - WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU)
      What was I waiting for?
      The minute you walked in the door I knew
      There was nothing more
      I would ever need

      Looking for the right time
      To lay my heart on the line
      But when I make up my mind
      I get weak in the knees

      Before another hour goes by
      I wanna look into your eyes
      And oh girl
      Let my love fly free

      CHORUS:
      Whenever I think of you
      All I can tell is the truth
      Now if I can just tell you
      Then you'd know how I feel
      Whenever I think of you
      You shine in my mind like a jewel
      And I'm ready to play the fool
      To make this dream real
      To make you feel like I feel
      Whenever I
      Whenever I think of you

      Oh whenever I
      Whenever I think of you
      Yeah whenever I
      Whenever I think of you.

MG - Well Mr Sommers, clearly these tests aren't perfect, there are exceptions to the rule and obviously you are one of them.  Henceforth I shall only use them as a guide.

Jake -      Well maybe it took being a Floral Engineer to get me back on track.  Even if it looks like it won't come true, you can't stop believing in your dreams.

THE END

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