The following is not a novelization or an actual script but a dry transcript of the aired episode that includes accurate word-to-word dialogues, settings descriptions, action scenes and/or camera movements where the transcriber felt they were necessary. This transcript is provided by "TWIZ TV.COM - FREE TV SCRIPTS DATABASE" courtesy of CDREAMERS. "CALIFORNIA DREAMS" and other related entities are owned, (TM) and © by PETER ENGEL PRODUCTIONS in association with NBC PRODUCTIONS. All Rights Reserved. This transcript is posted here without their permission, approval, authorization or endorsement. Any reproduction, duplication, distribution or display of this material in any form or by any means is expressly prohibited. It is absolutely forbidden to use it for commercial gain.
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TRANSCRIPT:
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(Act 1-At Sharkey’s)

(Everyone except Jake and Tiffani are watching Jake on a video tape)

Jake(in a pirate voice): Yo ho ho and a bucket of shrimp. Aar. Come to Pirate’s Cove restaurant says Aye. You’ll love our specials. Right, Molly? (looks at fake parrot and says in parrot voice) Bawk, try our Bette Midler shortcake. Bawk.

Lorena: Wow, that is one funny video, Sly.

Sly: Yup, with this tape, we’re sure to win Wacky Videos.

Tony: Yeah, and all it took was a little time, a little video tape, and a whole mess of Jake’s pride.

Mark: Don’t you guys feel bad for Jake? Working at some lame pirate cove just to pay for his motorcycle insurance?

Sly: Yeah, yeah. You don’t hear the parrot complaining; she did half the work.

Sam: I still can’t believe Jake is letting you send it in.

Tony: No, man he loves it, he would’ve shot it himself if he could.

(Enter Jake)

Jake: Gimme the tape.

Sly: Sorry, Jake it’s our only copy and we’ve gotta send it in. You can tape it when it’s on TV.

Jake(holds up one finger): One.

Sly: Oohwhoowhoowhooooh! Big whoop. What’re you gonna do-count to three and if don’t give it back, what? Paddle our fannies!

Jake(holds up two fingers): Two.

Tony: Oh, count all you want, man. Count ‘till you’ve got gray hairs and grand children. You don’t scare us so BANG!(sticks his hand out)

(Sly puts one finger, two fingers and slaps his fanny at the same time Tony speaks)

Jake(holds up three fingers): Third.

Tony and Sly: OK, OK, please.

(Jake grabs tape as Tiffani enters)

Tiffani: Hi Jake! How was your first day at work?

Jake(in a pirate voice): Aar, first and last says aye.

Tiffani: I figured you’d hate it. So, I looked around and I found this- a want add for-

Jake: No, forget it. I’d rather never ride my bike again then get stuck with another lame job.

Tiffani: OK. Then I guess you wouldn’t want this job repairing motorcycles anyway.

Jake: Wait, wait. Motorcycles? Let me see that. (Grabs the piece of paper) Oh, this is great! I’ll never have to bum a ride again.

(Leaves Sharkey’s)

Tiffani(holds up her fingers): One. Two. Thr-

Jake: Uh, Tiff can I get a ride?

Tiffani(getting up): Sure. I’ll take you to the interview.

(Exit Jake and Tiffani)

Tony: Man, I don’t believe it. That tape could’ve won us the contest.

Sly: We are NOT giving up. We just gotta to find another sap.

Mark(with french fries in his mouth): Hey, guys look at me-I’m a walrus.

(Tony and Sly put their fingers up in the shape of a camera)

Mark(removes the french fries): Uh, no wait I’m not a walrus see? Uh, JAKE WAIT UP!

(Tony and Sly look at each other and smile)

(At the garage)

Tiffani(looking at the paper): It says to talk to some guy named Mel. I hope he’s here.

Mark: Well, let’s ask him(pointing to a greaser)

Jake: Guys, we’re in a garage. There’s a big hairy, greasy guy. That’s Mel. Hey, yo Mel!

Greaser: I’m not Mel. That’s Mel(pointing to a lady)

Mark: Woah!

Jake: That’s Mel?!

Tiffani: That’s it. I’ll pay for your insurance-let’s go!!(grabs Jake’s arm)

Jake: No, no Tiff. C’mon. You got nothin to worry about, I mean I admit for a Mel, she’s kinda cute but you know I only love you.

(Takes her hand)

Tiffani: I know, I know. You need the job, you need the money, I trust you.

Mel: Are you here about the mechanics job?

Jake and Mark: Yes.

Jake(looking at Mark): Winkle, you don’t know anything about bikes.

Mark: But I’d be willing to learn.

Mel: All right, interview is over. I don’t hire people who play games.

(Jake looks at Mark and Tiffani grabs Mark’s shirt toward her.)

Jake: Look, I’m sorry about my friend-

Mel: Don’t worry about it. Now listen, I’m trying to get this bike fixed and it’s gotta be done by five.

Jake: It sounds like the ignition timing is off. It’s probably a just a little screw-

Mel: Thanks, but I think I know what I’m doing. My grandfather’s own this shop for years and I’ve working here ever since I was twelve.

Jake: Whatever.

(Mel fixes the bike as Tiffani, Jake, and Mark leave)

Mel: Hey! You still want the job? You got it!

Mark: Great, where’s my time card?

(At Lorena’s loft)

Sly: Fenito! When Mark turns on that faucet-BABOOM! Soak city!

Tony: All right Sly. Now I’ve fixed the camera so all we have to do is wait for Mark to make a sap of himself.

Sam: You guys are brutal. Don’t you have any conscience at all?

Sly: Sam, you woon me. Of course I have a conscience. I’m just smart enough to ignore it. (Turns to Tony) OK you remember the signal?

Tony: Mark’s coming.

Sly: Right.

Tony: Sly, Mark’s coming.

Sly: Yeah, that’s right.

Tony: NO, MARK IS COMING!

Sly: OH!

(Sly grabs the wrench and sits down)

(Enter Mark)

Mark: Hey guys!

Tony: Say Mark? I’ve seemed to have developed a bit of a gummy lately.

Sly: Hee, hee.

Tony: Can you get me a glass of water?

Mark: Sure.

Sly and Tony(in a whisper): Sap.

(Mark turns on faucet and then grabs cup as the water reaches Sly’s mouth and face getting him wet)

Sly: AAHHH, AHHHH!

Mark: You guys didn’t think you’d really get me- WET. Have a rag. Here.

(Mark hand Sly a tissue)

Sly(in a sarcastic tone): Oh, gee thanks!

(Enter Tiffani)

Tiffani: Hey guys! Practice is gonna have to start late. Jake just called and he’s working overtime with Mel.

Sam: Hmm. He’s been doin a lot of that lately, hasn’t he?

Lorena: Mmm, hmm.

Mark: I’d be working tons of overtime too, if Mel were my boss.

Tiffani: Guys, it’s no big deal. It’s nothing to get jealous about. Jake and I have a trusting relationship.

Sly: Why can’t I date girls like you?

Tiffani: You mean "trusting"?

Sly: No, naïve and gullible.

Sam: Sly, Tiffani’s right to trust Jake.(Looks at Lorena and they both smile) So what if he and Mel happen to be working close together.

Lorena: Alone at night. Covered with grease, muscles straining, engines revving-

Tiffani: Nice try. It’s not working.

Mark: That’s what you think. (splashes water on himself)        

(Act 2-At PCH)

Tony: Ooh, a hidden camera in the backpack. Very clever, Mr. Winkle, very clever!

Sly: And let me commend YOU Mr. Wicks on a job well done on Mr. Sap’s locker.

Tony: Well, you know. I couldn’t have done it without your low-down, Acme TNT chasin’ running Wile E. Coyote Oscar!

Sly: Nah! I can’t wait. When Mark open his locker-BABOOM! We’ll pickin up our prize at Wacky Videos while he’s picking confetti out of his nose.

(Enter Mark)

(Sly stretches so the camera will aim at Mark and his locker)

Tony: Now, as I was saying. This whole budget deficit has really got me up a tree!

Sly: Oh, don’t get me started, I could go on ALL day!

(Mark shakes his head, opens locker, grabs books, and closes it)

Mark: See ya!

(Exit Mark)

Sly: Where’s the Baboom?

Tony: I don’t know. It should’ve been locked in as soon as he opened it up.

(They walk over to Mark’s locker, open it and duck. Tony pounds on it slowly)

Tony: I don’t get it. (Pounds on it harder and confetti lands in their face)

Tony and Sly: AAHHH!

(Enter Tiffani and Jake)

Tiffani: Jake, we had a date for this afternoon, you promised.

Jake: Tiff, I know I promised and I’m sorry. But one of the guys called in sick. I mean what can I do, it’s my job.

Tiffani: This is the third date you’ve broken since you’ve gotten that job. We hardly ever see each other anymore.

Jake: I miss you too. Let me make it up to you all right? Dinner tonight at Sharkey’s?

Tiffani: All right.

Jake: Great! Remember when Jake Sommers makes a promise, he keeps-

(Tiffani looks at him)

Jake: Well, he’s gonna keep this one.

Sly: Hey, Jake. You need a lift to work.

Jake: Sure(kisses Tiffani on her forehead) Not a problem?

Sly: Not a problem at all. I was gonna check out Mel for myself.

Tony: Oh, yeah, YEAH! I heard she’s gotta great body.

(Looks over his shoulder to see Sam)

Tony: SHOP! Body shop, shop?

Sam: Quit while you’re ahead.

(The guys exit)

Lorena(to Tiffani): Boy, oh, boy, do you have SUCKER written all over your face.

Sam: I hate to say it Tiff, but I’d be worried if I were you. I think Jake is spending a little too much time with Mel.

Tiffani(looking at both of them back and forth): You guys are making SOMETHING out of NOTHING. I am not jealous, do you hear me- I"M NOT JEALOUS!

(Tiffani leaves and comes back)

Tiffani: OK, OK I’m jealous. What do I do?

Lorena: What any self-respecting woman would do-

Lorena and Sam: SPY!

Tiffani: Spy on Jake? No way. I would rather just confront him.

Sam: OK Tiff. If you think your little Jakey-Wakey is so trustworthy and loyal, let’s give him-THE TEST.

Lorena: Yeah, that’s it! You need the test to test and see that’s what we’re gonna do! What’s the test?

(At Sharkey’s)

Tony(to Mark): More iced tea? Refills are-on the house.

Mark: No thanks, Tony. Six glasses are enough.(puts glass down and Tony refills it) Ugh. In fact a little too much. I have to go to the bathroom.

Tony: The BATHROOM, huh? Yes, well you go to the BATHROOM. That’s right, you do that. BATHROOM!

Mark: Gee, Tony, thanks for telling everyone!

Sly(with camera in hand): Did I hear someone say "Bathroom?!"

(Tony and Sly run into the bathroom. Things are crashing and Tony and Sly yell. They come out with a toilet over their head a tissue paper all over)

Tony: I’m really starting to dislike your cousin, Sly.

Sly: Don’t worry, that sap’s luck can’t hold out forever.

(Enter the girls, looking at Tony and Sly)

Tony and Sly: Don’t ask.

(Exit Tony and Sly)

Sam: OK, Tiff. In order to see if Jake is telling the truth, we’re rigging him to a lie detector test.

Tiffani: But we don’t have a lie detector.

Lorena: Allow me to introduce the Tooshie Tester 2000. (points at a Sharkey bench) Courtesy of the Science Club.

Sam: If he tells the truth he’s OK, BUT if he lies he receives a minor uncomfortable sensation.

Lorena and Sam: Whoooo, Ha, Ha, Ha!

(Tiffani looks at them)

Sam(turning to Tiffani): It’s just a little shock.

(Enter Jake)

Tiffani(kisses Jake): Hi!

Jake: What’s going on?

Tiffani: Why don’t we have a seat.

Jake: C’mon Tiff, I thought we were supposed to be having a date.

Tiffani: Uh, I invited Sam and Lorena to join us. You don’t mind do you?

(Sam and Lorena lean forward)

Jake: No. OWW!(he jumps up)

Lorena: What’s the matter?

Jake: I don’t know. I think somethin bit me.

Tiffani: So how was work?

Jake(sitting back down): It was good.

Sam: Did you miss Tiffani?

Jake(looks back and forth at Sam and Lorena): YEAH!

(Tiffani looks at Sam and Lorena and smiles as they look at Tiffani in disgust)

Sam: So Sly and Tony tell me your boss, Mel, is quite a dish. What do you think? Is she hot or what?

Jake: She’s not that ho-OWW!(he jumps up again) I’m telling you, there’s something under this bench!

Tiffani: I don’t see anything, honey.

Waiter at Sharkey’s: Jake, you’ve got a phone call. Someone named Mel.

Jake: Oh, I gotta take this. I told her to call me here if she needed any help.

(Tiffani gets up and moves over to where Jake was sitting)

Sam: So, are you ready to spy yet.

Tiffani: No-OWW!(she looks at them in disappointment)

(At the garage)

(Tiffani, Sam and Lorena enter, dressed as bikers)

Tiffani: You know this feels so wrong!

Lorena: I know, this beard is starting to give me a rash!

Tiffani: No, I mean it feels wrong to spy on Jake! I’m gonna walk over there, take this beard off, and tell how I feel.

Mel: Can I help you?

Tiffani(in a low voice): Uh, yeah, uh, we need our bike fixed.

Mel: What kind is it?

Sam(in a low voice): What kind? It’s a SCHWINN-

Lorena(in a low voice): HONDA-

Tiffani: HARLEY!

Sam: Schwanda-

Tiffani: Ley.

Mel: Hey, Jake have you ever heard of a (the girls turn around and pretend to gag) a Scwandaley?

Jake: Nope, but I can fix anything.

Mel(turning to the girls): OK, when can you bring it in?

Sam: Tomorrow.

Lorena(whispering): I can’t, I’m getting my nails done tomorrow.

Sam: How’s Friday?

Tiffani: GUYS!

Sam: Uh, Friday!

Mel: OK, bring it in whenever.

(Sam walks in a funny way toward Mel)

Sam: Yeah, well we’ll leave you and your BOYFRIEND alone.

Lorena(pushing Sam out of the way): It must be nice working with your BOYFRIEND. You can make-out anytime you want!

(Lorena and Sam slap high-fives)

Mel: Him?(pointing to Jake) No, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a high-school kid who works for me.

(Mel walks off and Sam and Lorena go over to Tiffani)

Sam: That settles it, he’s definitely cheating on you!

Tiffani: Guys, stop trying to cause trouble, Jake is NOT cheating on me.  I knew we shouldn’t have come, now let’s get out of here!

(Mel trips over something and Jake grabs her)

Jake: I gotcha.

Tiffani: I knew it! He is cheating on me!(she kicks over a motorcycle)

Sam: HEY WATCH IT, TIFF! (They look back at Mel and Jake)

Sam(in a low voice): I mean, "Watch it, Biff!"

(Jake walks over to them)

Jake: Lorena? Sam? TIFFANI? What’s going on?

Tiffani: I’ll tell you what’s going on.(she rips off her beard)Ow.  You’re CHEATING on me with Mel.

Mel: No, I’ll tell you what’s going on. YOU"RE FIRED! This is business,  Jake, now I want you and you’re goofy friends outta here!

Jake(looks at Tiffani in anger): I can’t believe you!

(Tiffani closes her eyes as Jake exits)

Sam(in a low voice, walks over to Mel): Maybe we won’t bring our bike in.

(Act 3-PCH)

(Tiffani is sitting down alone as Sam and Lorena come up to her)

Sam: Tiff, we feel a slight tad responsible for what happened.

(Tiffani looks at them in anger)

Lorena: OK. A humongous, slight tad responsible. 

Sam: But, we wanna make it up to you. We thought of a way to get Jake his job back.

Tiffani: I should’ve never listened to you guys. I may have lost Jake by acting so stupid and jealous.

Lorena: We’re real sorry, Tiff.

Sam: Yeah, we messed up.

Tiffani: Well, I’ll tell you one thing. I’m through playing games. I should’ve just trusted my instincts and told Jake how I felt from the beginning.

(Enter Jake)

(Jake sees Tiffani and walks away but Tiffani pushes him back)

Tiffani: Jake, I am sorry I lost your job.

(Jake moves further but Tiffani pushes him back)

Tiffani: Aren’t you gonna talk to me?

(Jake pushes passed her but she stops him, pushes her hair back and puts her hands on her hips)

Tiffani: Hey, there big boy.

Jake: You just don’t get it do you?

(Exit Jake)

(Enter Tony and Sly)

(Tony and Sly are covered with shaving cream)

Sly: I can’t believe this. How lucky can that guy be?!

Tony: Sly, have I ever told you how much I HATE YOUR COUSIN!! (looks at Tiffani) Hey, Tiff, how’s it going?

Tiffani: Not too well. Jake’s still angry I got him fired.

Sly: You’re wrong. Sure Jake’s angry you got him fired but more than that, he’s hurt that you didn’t trust him.

Tiffani: Sly, you’re right! I bet that’s what he meant when he said I didn’t get it.

(Sly nods and Tiffani exits)

Tony: That’s a, pretty good there Sly. Where’d you get that trust stuff?

Sly: An old episode of Blossom. When she lectures Six about trust.

Tony: Oh, yeah, yeah, I think I saw that one. That’s when Joey goes  "Woah!"

(At Sharkey’s)

(Everyone except Jake is there, watching Mark’s video, showing Sly getting soaked, and Tony and Sly getting hit in the face with confetti)

Mark: And here’s where I nailed them in the bathroom.

(They all laugh except for Sly and Tony)

Lorena: You’ve got it Mark, this is definitely gonna win WACKY VIDEOS!

Sam(looking at Sly and Tony): You guys must feel like idiots. (The girls laugh) The whole time you were trying to get Mark, he was getting YOU!

(Tony and Sly leave the table)

Tony: Sly, have I ever told you how much I hate your cousin. Oh, I hate him, let me count the ways.

(Mark comes up to them)

Mark: Hey, guys I thought when I win, I’d split the money three ways.

Tony: Maybe he’s not so bad.

Sly: That’s pretty cool, Cuz.

Mark: Saps!

(Zooms back to Lorena and Tiffani)

Lorena: Jake still isn’t talking to you?(Tiffani shakes her head) Don’t worry. Everything will be OK.

(Enter Jake)

(Tiffani gets up and stands next to Jake)

Jake(to the waiter): A glass of water, please.

Tiffani: Still not talking to me?

Jake: Forget the water, let’s play.

(Jake moves past Tiffani and goes up to the stage)

Tiffani: Jake. JAKE!!

Jake: 1,2-

(Tiffani stand next to him)

Tiffani: I get it now.

(Jake looks around)

Jake: We’re gonna take a break.

Sly: We didn’t even start, yet!

(Tiffani and Jake get off the stage)

Jake: Go ahead, I’m listening.

Tiffani: Jake, I’m sorry. I understand it wasn’t about losing your job an-

Jake: I can’t believe you spied on me! I mean sure Mel’s pretty and we worked a lot of late nights but you gotta trust me! (he points to Tiffani) Now, go ahead I’m listening.

Tiffani: You’re right. I didn’t trust you and I’m s-

Jake: And I know you’re sorry and you feel bad. But you gotta accept the fact that there’s gonna be other people in our lives. You know, maybe a bunch of tan surfers in yours, maybe some pretty girls in mine.(He pauses) But you gotta know you’re the only girl for me. I love you, Tiff. So go ahead, I’m listening.

Tiffani(smiling): There’s nothing left to say. You’re right, everything you said is right.

Jake: And?

Tiffani: And I love you too. And I’m sorry.

(They hug)

Tiffani: And if Mel won’t take you back, well I’ll dress up like a biker again and threaten to punch her in the nose

(she laughs and Jake smiles)

Jake: That’s cool, I already got my job back.

Tiffani: Oh, really? That’s nice of Mel.

Jake: Mel nothin’.(speaks in a pirate voice) It’s me and Polly says Aye!

(They walk up on stage to play)

Whenever I Think Of You

What was I waiting for,
The minute you walked in the door I knew,
There was nothing more
I would ever need.
Looking for the right time,
To lay my heart on the line.
But when I make up my mind,
I get weak in the knees.
Before another hour goes by,
I wanna look into your eyes.
And, oh girl,
Let my love fly free.

Whenever I think of you,
All I can tell is the truth.
Now if I could just tell you,
You know how I feel.

(Jake removes the mike and walks over to Tiffani)

Whenever I think of you,
You shine in my mind like a jewel.
And I’m ready to play the fool.
To make this dream real.
To make you feel like I feel.

Whenever I, whenever I think of you.
Oh, whenever I, whenever I think of you. (Jake points to Tiffani)
Yeah, whenever I, (Jake puts his forehead against Tiffani’s and they both smile) whenever I think of you.

(They hug)

THE END

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