CRAIG: You can't walk away from this car, Sir.

COSTUMER: No?

CRAIG: No, full sport suspension. You pitch it around a corner, it'll stay glued.

COSTUMER: Really?

JOEY: (walks over to COSTUMER) hello. How are we today?

COSTUMER: Good. Your assistant was singing the praises of this car. Do you mind if I...?

JOEY: Oh, yes. Please do. I'll be back with you in a second. Craig, can I talk to you? Great job partner.

CRAIG: You think so?

JOEY: Yeah, you're a natural. Listen, I want you to do me a favor. A costumer is coming to take a test drive of this car. It needs a serious clean, ASAP. (holds out car keys). Here are the keys. Come, on, take the keys.

CRAIG: (takes keys) You mean, drive it?

JOEY: yes, yes. Just across the lot. You'll be fine. (walks away)

(CRAIG excitedly gets in and starts the car)

[CREDITS]

[location: the Jeremiah household] (CRAIG runs down the stairs to the kitchen)

JOEY: (on the phone) Yeah, well, Bianca booked this surprise spa and relaxation weekend thing and I need you to pick up Angie. I'll be by on Sunday to pick her up. Thanks Ma. Bye. (hangs up phone) (to CRAIG) What's up?

CRAIG: Nothing. Just, uh, you're going away. So, uh, where do i go?

JOEY: I figured you'd stay here.

CRAIG: Alone?

JOEY: You're 14. You know how to cook and how to clean. You'll be fine.

CRAIG: Wait, so, I really get the run of the house for the whole weekend?

JOEY: yeah. Hey, if you want you can invite some of your buddies over, that's cool. But 3 ground rules: no drinking, no chicks, no parties, I mean it.

CRAIG: Got it. You can trust me.

JOEY: I know I can, partner

[location: school hallway] (MARCO, JIMMY, and SPINNER are talking)

JIMMY: My dad's been working on Kid Albert tickets all week. He's pulled every string he has and they're totally sold out.

SPINNER: Well, how about you Marco? You're mom works in the music biz.

MARCO: She teaches piano, Spinner.

CRAIG: (walking up to the guys) Who died?

MARCO: oh, Kid Albert's sold out. It's so unfair.

CRAIG: So? Joey's gone for the whole weekend and I got the pad all to myself and you guys are all invited.

JIMMY&SPINNER: Yes.

MARCO: So, who else is on the guest list?

CRAIG: Uh, you three plus Sean.

JIMMY: Oh, you invited him? I'll take a pass.

CRAIG: Well, I can't un-invite him now.

JIMMY: No, it's cool. Well, just do this some other time, right.

SPINNER: Dude. (JIMMY walks away) Fine, your loss cuz we are gonna party.

CRAIG: No parties, Spin.

SPINNER: Girls.

CRAIG: No girls.

SPINNER: Booze.

CRAIG: No booze.

SPINNER: Donuts?

CRAIG: That we could do.

SPINNER: I'm there.

CRAIG: Sweet. This weekend is gonna be awesome.

[location: ASHLEY and ELLIE's lockers]

ASHLEY: Did you know there's no word in the English language that rhymes with "orange?"

ELLIE: Did you know it's Friday? The weekend?

ASHLEY: Sure do. I thought we'd go see that new movie "Strange Evil." (ELLIE gives ASHLEY a look) The reviewer said it looked edgy.

ELLIE: Lame. Besides, I'm getting my cartilage pierced. (shirt goes up a bit and ASHLEY notices her belly button is pierced.)

ASHLEY: Hey, Ellie. Do you think I should get me belly button pierced? I've wanted to for a while.

ELLIE: Come with me after school.

ASHLEY: After school? He'd be able to squeeze me in on such short notice?

ELLIE: Let's fine out.

[location: MS. KWAN's classroom]

MS. KWAN: As you should all know by now, a simile is a comparison using "like" or "as." While a metaphor is a figure of speech, in which things are compared by stating the one thing is another. (CRAIG is bored and is looking at the clock) Both similes and metaphors are used in poetry, and we'll be look at that today. (reading) The day is done and the darkness falls on the wings of night. (CRAIG still looks at the clock, which appears to be moving very slowly. The bell rings and we the guys running outside school and walking to CRAIG's house.)

SPINNER: Weekend, here I come.

SEAN: Woo!

SPINNER: Ok, next time the Kid's in town, we gotta get tickets months early.

MARCO: Hey, Nr. Jeremiah.

JOEY: What's this? I go away for the weekend and you invite the whole school? Got ya! (laughs) You should have seen the looks on your faces. Come here. (opens trunk of car) Weekend supplies, gentlemen.

CRAIG: Oh, yeah.

JOEY: We got the four major food groups We got chips, chips, chips, and kraft dinner. (closes trunk of car and woman we assume is Bianca comes out of the house. The two of the get in the car) Have a good weekend boys.

SPINNER: Wow.

SEAN: You know his weekend's gonna be great.

SPINNER: He's one lucky guy.

(JOEY drives away)

GUYS: Yeah!

[location: outside a piercing parlor] (ELLIE opens the door to go inside, but ASHLEY hesitates)

ELLIE: I know it looks a little nasty. I keep telling Attila that we should...

ASHLEY: Attila?

ELLIE: It's a family name. Come on.

(ATTILA starts to pierce ELLIE's ear as ASHLEY looks around)

ASHLEY: So, uh, Attila. Is that the same kind of needle you'll be using to pierce my belly button?

ATTILA: Oh, no. I'll be using a much larger one. Like this. (hands ASHLEY a big needle in a package. ASHLEY looks it over, seeming nervous)

ASHLEY: Oh, wow.

ATTILA: (to ELLIE) All done cuz. (ELLIE gets up to look at her ear) So what's the word Ashley? Still interested? Because I've got an opening tomorrow at 10.

ASHLEY: (looks to ELLIE who nods) Ok, sign me up.

ATTILA: Great Now just get your mother to sign this permission slip first. (hands her the slip)

ASHLEY: (reading off paper) Parlor assumes no responsibility in case of infection?

ATTILA: It is an invasive procedure. But don't worry. Everything sterilized.

ASHLEY: My mom will not sign this.

ELLIE: How do you know?

ASHLEY: Just because she's my mom. She won't. Sorry.

[location: CRAIG's living room] (the guys are looking bored. SEAN and MARCO are playing cards)

SEAN: Fish.

MARCO: You really don't have a queen?

SEAN: Fish.

SPINNER: Hark, a soldier approaches. (Burps) Encore Maestro. (burps)

CRAIG: Guys, this is so boring.

SPINNER: Yeah, let's call Jimmy.

SEAN: What, do you miss your girlfriend?

SPINNER: Shut up.

SEAN: No, you shut up.

SPINNER: No, you shut up.

SEAN: shut up.

SPINNER: Shut up.

CRAIG: Both of you, shut up. We have a house to ourselves and we're wasting it.

SPINNER: I got it. You guys wanna live life on the edge? Come with me. (Everybody gets out and follows SPINNER out of the house)

[location: outside a store] (SPINNER comes out with a bag)

SPINNER: Ok, guys. Alright, alright. (takes something out of bag)

CRAIG: Spray cheese?

SPINNER: We did it at camp. It's a race.

MARCO: Do you get crackers?

SPINNER: No, loser. You do it like this. (starts spraying cheese into his mouth.)

SEAN: Oh, come on, man. (SEAN, MARCO, and CRAIG start to walk away)

SPINNER: What? Guys, what?

[location: ASHLEY's kitchen]

ASHLEY: I was thinking about getting my belly button pierced. (hands mom the permission slip) (to ELLIE) See, told ya.

ASHLEY'S MOM: Told Ellie what? I just reacted.

ASHLEY: You made a total face.

ASHLEY'S MOM: Do you want my permission or not Ashley? (ASHLEY nods her head) Now, you just have to clean it scrupulously For weeks.

ELLIE: But it's worth it. (lifts up shirt to show her ring)

ASHLEY'S MOM: If only I were ten years younger. (signs slip and gives it to ASHLEY.)

[location: CRAIG'S living room] (SPINNER is still spraying cheese into his mouth)

EVERYONE BUT SPINNER: (unenthusiastically) Spinner, spinner...

(Can runs out of cheese)

SPINNER: Yeah, king of the world. Who's next? I dare you guys. (They all talk at once making excuses) Oh, come on. You guys suck.

MARCO: Wait, I have a dare. (gets telephone and starts dialing)

SPINNER: uh, oh. Bathroom break. (runs off)

(MARCO hands phone to SEAN)

SEAN: What, this is your dare? A prank phone call?

MARCO: What, scared of talking to a stranger?

SEAN: (Into phone) Hello, this is the power company.

EMMA: (on the other line) So this is what you do for fun, Sean. Prank your ex-girlfriend.

SEAN: (hangs up phone) You're dead phone boy. You're dead. (chases MARCO around the kitchen)

[location: CRAIG'S front porch] (a radio is on)

CRAIG: Yeah, this is the life. You know what? I like you guys.

SEAN: What, are you gonna kiss us now?

MARCO: Shut up Sean.

CRAIG: No, I mean, with my dad, he's never let me have you all over like this.

SEAN: Yeah, well, I bet it's a lot different over here, I suppose, eh?

CRAIG: Totally. With Joey, it's like I can do no wrong. I get total 100 percent freedom. I mean, he even let me drive.

SPINNER: Um, you, you drove?

CRAIG: No big thing. Just some clunker at the car lot. Man, it was a huge thing. It was the coolest thing I've ever done.

SEAN: Sweet. Windows down, tunes pumpin'. I'd give anything for that.

CRAIG: Well, it was just across the lot.

SPINNER: And I bet you know where Joey hides the keys to his dealership.

SEAN: yeah, let's take it out for a test drive. You know, just around the block.

MARCO: On the road? No, we'd so get caught.

CRAIG: Well, what about tomorrow?

[location: CRAIG'S kitchen the next morning] (CRAIG grabs the keys and the other guys get up)

SPINNER: Hey, still going on that ride today?

CRAIG: Sure, but, uh, maybe later.

SPINNER: Later?

SEAN: Man, you're not chickening out on us, are you?

(CRAIG twirls to keys in is hand and smiles)

[location: Jeremiah Motors] (The Guys go into JOEY'S office)

CRAIG: Right, here. Keys to the kingdom.

(the phone rings and MARCO screams, prompting everyone else to scream too)

SPINNER: Shh, man, you gave me a heart attack.

CRAIG: (walks over to phone) What do I do?

SPINNER: Answer it.

SEAN: No, you idiot. We're not supposed to be here. Let's go.

(they leave and go to the car CRAIG drove in the beginning of the episode)

SPINNER: Why are we taking this anything?

CRAIG: Cuz I've driven it before, I know how to drive it.

MARCO: Guys, maybe this isn't the greatest idea.

SEAN: Come on. We'll just take it around the block a couple times.

CRAIG: (everyone gets in the car) Gentlemen, let's roll. (starts to drive and the car stalls)

SPINNER: Uh, short ride, dude.

(CRAIG restarts the car and drives off the lot)

[location: outside ASHLEY'S house]

ASHLEY'S MOM: Hey girls. Off to your piercing?

ELLIE: Yeah, wanna come? You could get one too.

ASHLEY'S MOM: Oh, no thanks. None for me please. I'm not as brave as you two. (she's trimming a bush and ASHLEY eyes the shears nervously)

[location: Guys driving the car slowly]

SPINNER: (sarcastically) Whoa, slow down there. It's getting scary.

CRAIG: Keep talking Spinner. Your idea of fun is spray cheese. (laughs)

RADIO: So, how do you get to the sold out Kid Albert show tonight?

SPINNER: Guys, guys. Shh.

RADIO: Just come down to Melview park and find me in the mix mobile. Answer a skill testing question, and you and three friends are going to kid Albert tonight.

MARCO: Pull over. Melview's only 10 minutes away if we run fast.

SPINNER: who's running? We're driving?

SEAN: In 10 minutes that park will be full of people.

MARCO: I thought we were only gonna take the car around the black and that's it.

SPINNER: That was before the contest. I say we take the car.

SEAN: I'm down with that

MARCO: Guys, no.

SPINNER: Ok, two for, one against. Deciding vote goes to Craig. What do you say?

(CRAIG smiles and steps on the gas)

[location: ASHLEY and ELLIE inside the parlor] (ASHLEY is laying down, shirt up, exposing her navel.)

ATTILA: (point to navel) I'm going to pierce here and feed it through till it comes out there. Here's the clamp I'll use to hold the skin while I do the piercing, ok? This is an antiseptic gel. It's gonna feel a little cool. (puts gel on her belly button. ASHLEY and ELLIE hold hands in anticipation of the piercing) Now I'm marking the point of entry (makes mark of her with a marker, then clamps her skin) Ashley, you're gonna feel a bit of pressure now. (gets needle and is prepared to pierce, but ASHLEY pushes his hand away and sits up)

ASHLEY: I'm sorry, I can't. I don't care how cool it'll look. That thing is not piercing my body.

[location: the park] (Radio personality is talking to a contestant in the contest)

RADIO PERSONALITY: Now here's the skill testing question. Name Kid Albert's wife. (the GUYS pull up and get out of the car) You have no clue, do you? (CONTESTANT shakes his head as Guys run up to them) That's ok. (shakes CONTESTANT'S hand and he walks away.)

CRAIG: We're here for the contest.

RADIO PERSONALITY: Ok, catch your breath champ. Tell us your name first.

CRAIG: My name's Craig.

RADIO PERSONALITY: Ok, Craig. Now, tell me the name of Kid Albert's wife.

CRAIG: That's a trick question. Cuz Kid Albert's divorced.

RADIO PERSONALITY: You know what? You can give my best to the Kid tonight cuz you just won four tickets to his show. (GUYS yell and grab the tickets) Have fun. (GUYS run back to the car and drive off)

MARCO: Man, I can't believe we're going tonight.

SEAN: We have tickets to the Kid.

MARCO: Yeah!

(farting)

CRAIG: Spinner! Not in the car, man.

SPINNER: Sorry, excitement makes me fart.

MARCO: Oh, you're sick. That's disgusting.

SPINNER: It's the spray cheese. I shouldn't have had that third can.

(Car stops at a red light. A police car pulls up next to them. A COP is talking on his radio)

SEAN: Just keep it cool, alright?

COP: (on radio) Roger. (Car lights turn on. Guys are worried. Car drives away.)

MARCO: So, lucky. So luck, so let's go back, ok?

CRAIG: OK. (drives back to lot and guys get out of car)

MARCO: Guys that was amazing!

SPINNER: That was the best day ever.

SEAN: Go for a joyride, win Kid Albert tickets.

MARCO: Pull up right next to the cops. That part was so cool.

SPINNER: Now you say it's cool. Before you were crying like a little baby.

MARCO: I was crying cuz of your cheese farts. It was so gross.

JOEY: (come out of his office) What were you thinking?! Do the words "silent alarm" mean anything to you?! You, you, and you. Gone. Now! (SEAN, SPINNER, and MARCO leave)

[location: ASHLEY and ELLIE walking on the street]

ELLIE: Are you gonna talk...ever?

ASHLEY: I don't know what to say.

ELLIE: Why? What's the big deal?

ASHLEY: I acted like an idiot and I totally embarrassed myself.

ELLIE: Yeah, you did...kidding. So what happened?

ASHLEY: I'm just scared on needles. I can't explain it.

ELLIE: So why would you try a piercing?

ASHLEY: I dunno, I just...thought it would look cool. And I thought i'd gain some points with you.

ELLIE: Points?

ASHLEY: You know what I mean.

ELLIE: I don't. Ash, you're my friend. You don't need a piercing to impress me. (they smile and continue walking)

[location: CRAIG sitting on the couch in his living room] (he stands up)

JOEY: Sit.

CRAIG: You're not my dad.

JOEY: Sit. (CRAIG sits again and JOEY sits across from him) What you did was serious. Yor drove a car without a license. You could've killed somebody.

CRAIG: I know.

JOEY: I don't think you do. If you were some punk of the street I would have had you arrested and pressed charges. (CRAIG nods his head) I trusted you.

CRAIG: It was stupid. It was so stupid. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

JOEY: You're ground. Three weeks.

CRAIG: Three weeks?

JOEY: And one more thing. (takes the tickets out of CRAIG'S shirt pocket and rips them)

CRAIG: Wait, you can't. What am I supposed to tell my friends?

JOEY: You should have thought of that before you took the car. <(walks away)

[End]