TWO AND A HALF MEN

Disclaimer: The following are not novelizations or actual scripts. They are dry transcripts of the aired episodes that include accurate word-to-word dialogues. They are posted here courtesy of CHRISTINE BLACHFORD FOR TWIZ TV.COM. Transcripts also include settings descriptions, action scenes and camera movements where necessary.

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SEASON 1

ORDER/DVD RELEASE 1-01 - Pilot 1-02 - Big Flappy Bastards 1-03 - Go East On Sunset Until 1-04 - If I Can't Write My... 1-05 The Last Thing You Want 1-06 Did You Check With The... 1-07 If They Do Go Either Way 1-08 - Twenty-Five Pre-Pubers 1-09 - Phase One, Complete 1-10 - Merry Thanksgiving 1-11 - Alan Harper, Frontier... 1-12 - Camel Filters 1-13 - Sara Like Puny Alan 1-14 - I Can't Afford Hyenas 1-15 - Round One... (1) 1-16 - That Was Saliva (2) 1-17 - Ate The Hamburgers,... 1-18 - An Old Flame With A 1-19 Remember The Coatroom 1-20 - Hey, I Can Pee Outside 1-21 - No Sniffing, No Wowing 1-22 - My Doctor Has A Cow... 1-23 - Just Like Buffalo 1-24 - Can You Feel My Finger? DOWNLOAD ALL

09/22/03 09/29/03 10/06/03 10/13/03 10/20/03 10/27/03 11/03/03 11/10/03 11/17/03 11/24/03 12/15/03 01/05/04 01/12/04 02/02/04 02/09/04 02/16/04 02/23/04 03/01/04 03/22/04 04/19/04 05/03/04 05/10/04 05/17/04 05/24/04

SEASON 2

ORDER/DVD RELEASE 2-01 - Back Off Mary Poppins 2-02 - Enjoy Those Garlic Balls 2-03 - A Bag Full Of Jawea 2-04 - Go Get Mommy's Bra 2-05 - Bad News From The Clinic 2-06 - The Price Of Healthy Gums 2-07 - A Kosher Slaughterhouse 2-08 - Frankenstein And The... 2-09 - Yes, Monsignor 2-10 - The Salmon Under My... 2-11 - Last Chance To See Those 2-12 - A Lungful Of Alan 2-13 - Zejdz z Moich Wlosów 2-14 - Those Big Pink Things 2-15 - Smell The Umbrella Stand 2-16 - Can You Eat Human Flesh 2-17 - Woo-Hoo, A Hernia-Exam! 2-18 - It Was Mame, Mom 2-19 - A Low, Guttera [...] Noise 2-20 - Always Wanted A Monkey 2-21 - A Sympathetic Crotch To... 2-22 - That Old Hose Bag Is... 2-23 - Squab, Squab, Squab 2-24 - Does This Smell Funny? DOWNLOAD ALL

09/20/04 09/27/04 10/04/04 10/11/04 10/18/04 10/25/04 11/08/04 11/15/04 11/22/04 11/29/04 12/13/04 01/03/05 01/17/05 01/31/05 02/07/05 02/14/05 02/21/05 03/07/05 03/21/05 04/18/05 05/02/05 05/09/05 05/16/05 05/23/05

SEASON 3

ORDER/DVD RELEASE 3-01 - Weekend In Bangkok 3-02 - Gallagher's Lesbian Lover 3-03 - Carpet Burns And A Bite... 3-04 - Your Dismissive Attitude 3-05 - We Called It Mr. Pinky 3-06 - Hi, Mr. Horned One 3-07 - Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop 3-08 - That Voodoo That I Do Do 3-09 - Madame And Her Friend 3-10 - Something Salted... 3-11 - Santa's Village Of The... 3-12 - That Special Tug 3-13 - Humiliation Is A Visual... 3-14 - Love Isn't Blind 3-15 - My Tongue Is Meat 3-16 - Ergo, The Booty Call 3-17 - The Unfortunate Little... 3-18 - The Spit-Covered Cobbler 3-19 - Golly Moses, She's A Muffin 3-20 - Always A Bridesmaid,... 3-21 - And The Plot Moistens 3-22 Just Once With Aunt Sophie 3-23 - Arguments For The Quickie 3-24 - That [...] Hermaphrodite DOWNLOAD ALL

09/19/05 09/26/05 10/03/05 10/10/05 10/17/05 10/24/05 11/14/05 11/21/05 11/28/05 12/19/05 01/09/06 01/23/06 02/03/06 02/27/06 03/06/06 03/13/06 03/20/06 04/10/06 04/24/06 04/19/06 05/01/06 05/08/06 05/15/06 05/22/06

SEASON 4

ORDER/DVD RELEASE 4-01 - Working For Caligula 4-02 - Who's Vod Kanockers 4-03 - Sea Is A Harsh Mistress 4-04 - A Pot Smoking Monkey 4-05 - Woman Of Proven Fertility 4-06 - Apologies For The Frivolity 4-07 - Repeated Blows To Head 4-08 - Release The Dogs 4-09 - Corey's Been Dead For 1H 4-10 - Kissing Abraham Lincoln 4-11 - Walnuts And Demerol 4-12 - Castrating Sheep 4-13 - Don't Worry, Speed Racer 4-14 - That's Summer Sausage 4-15 - My Damn Stalker 4-16 Young People Have Phlegm 4-17 - I Slept With A Commie 4-18 - Never Rains In Hooterville 4-19 - Smooth As A Ken Doll 4-20 - Myra Doesn't Pee A Lot 4-21 - Tucked And Taped 4-22 - Mr. McGlue's Feedbag 4-23 - Anteaters 4-24 - Prostitutes And Gelato DOWNLOAD ALL

09/19/06 09/26/06 10/02/06 10/09/06 10/16/06 10/23/06 11/06/06 11/13/06 11/20/06 11/27/06 12/11/06 01/08/07 01/22/07 02/05/07 02/12/07 02/19/07 02/26/07 03/19/07 04/09/07 04/16/07 04/23/07 04/30/07 05/07/07 05/14/07

SEASON 5

ORDER/DVD RELEASE 5-01 - Birds, Spiders And Mom 5-02 Media Room Slash Dungeon 5-03 - Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo 5-04 - City of Great Racks 5-05 - Putting Swim Fins On Cats 5-06 Help Daddy Find His Toenail 5-07 - The Leather Gear Is (...) 5-08 - Is There a Mrs. Waffles? 5-09 - Shoes, Pickle Jar Lids 5-10 - Kinda Like Necrophilia 5-11 - Meander To Your Dander 5-12 - A Little Clammy And None 5-13 - The Soil Is Moist 5-14 - Winky-Dink Time 5-15 - His Ugly Bundle 5-16 - Look, Mommy, I'm Pretty 5-17 - Fish In A Drawer 5-18 - If My Hole Could Talk 5-19 - Waiting For The Snapper DOWNLOAD ALL

09/24/07 10/01/07 10/08/07 10/15/07 10/22/07 10/29/07 11/05/07 11/12/07 11/19/07 11/26/07 03/17/08 03/24/08 03/31/08 04/14/08 04/21/08 04/28/08 05/05/08 05/12/08 05/19/08

Disclaimer

TRANSCRIPTS PROVIDED BY COURTESY OF
CHRISTINE BLACHFORD FOR TWIZ TV.COM

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